Choosing Happiness

Make the most of every day, no regrets, carpe diem.  We’ve all heard this advice, but how are we supposed to put it into practice?

Polls of people at different ages in 149 countries were asked to rate their life satisfaction on a scale of 1 to 10.  Most adults in their early 20s reported fairly high happiness levels, with a gradual fall-off as they approached midlife.  Adults reported being least happy in mid-life, roughly between the ages of 39 and 57, with the happiness low point at age 50.  As they aged, older adults (age 50 to 90) rated their life satisfaction much higher.  Researchers are calling this process the ‘U-curve’ of happiness.  When put on a graph, the results actually form a lop-sided smile.

No matter your age, leading a fulfilling life means making conscious choices.  “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” said Abraham Lincoln. 

Happy people realize happiness is a choice.  They are not held hostage by their circumstances or environments.  But, simply knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough.  Fully experiencing it still requires a conscious decision to do so each day. 

Here are some ways you can bring joy to your life and the lives of those around you.

Ways to Choose Happiness

Surround yourself with the right people

Our busy lives often come with the unfortunate consequence of losing contact with our friends and loved ones.  More than half of seniors nationally indicate that being close to friends and family is important. 

Psychologist Laura Carstensen wrote, “As people age and time horizons grow short, people invest in what is most important, typically meaningful relationships, and derive increasingly greater satisfaction from these investments.”

Thanks to technological innovations, our geographical location no longer impacts our ability to connect with others.  With the simple push of a button, we are able to see, speak to, and enjoy the company of companions near and far. 

American entrepreneur and motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  The people you choose to surround yourself with have an unexpectedly large impact on your life.  Choose to be around those that will help you, not hurt you; who will build you up instead of tear you down.  Surround yourself with individuals who reflect the person you wish to be. 

Consider this: Who are the five people you spend the most time with?

Find happiness in ordinary things

Young people seek extraordinary experiences.  By contrast, older people can find happiness in ordinary life experiences – familiar, peaceful, and predictable events.  Instead of pining for the newest gadget or lavish trip, try enjoying some of life’s simple pleasures such as a meal at a new restaurant or a visit from a friend.
 

Seek solace in what you have, not what you haven’t.  Let’s reflect back on our lives for a moment… When we were children, we were high-living happiness machines.  Somewhere between our younger years and adulthood we got lost and threw pleasure to the wayside in order tend to our oversized pile of responsibilities.  This behavior has conditioned us to believe that pleasure is to be saved for after work, on weekends, and if we’re lucky, once a year on a quick vacation.  But, in allowing yourself the freedom to enjoy all the beautiful wonders around you, you are affording yourself the opportunity to experience pleasure at any moment throughout the day.

When you take the time to appreciate what you have, you find true joy.  You don’t need to run out and acquire anything new.  Be grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life and you will soon discover a deeper sense of happiness.

Create your purpose

As we age, we begin to reevaluate our sense of purpose.  Things that once defined us one day may no longer seem relevant the next.  Studies show that people who feel a greater sense of purpose generally live longer than those without the same motivation.

In recent years, we’ve learned that seniors with a sense of purpose in life are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease, disabilities, heart attacks or strokes, and are more likely to live longer than people without this kind of drive.  Why would a psychological construct, “I feel that I have goals and something to live for”, have this kind of impact?  Seniors with a sense of purpose are more physically active and take better care of their health.  They also are less susceptible to stress. 

Patricia Boyle, a researcher at Rush University Medical Center suggests that as we age, we do not lose our desire to contribute meaningfully, rather we feel we have lost the opportunity to do so. 

So, how do we go about achieving the purpose?

“I think people can get a sense of purpose from very simple things - from taking care of a pet, working in the garden, or being kind to a neighbor,” says Boyle. 

• Identify the activities that provide you with a sense of purpose:  We are all wired differently.  Some of us feel purposeful when we experience a sense of direction, others when we’re engaged in nurturing.  The key is to know what works for you.
• Create a brief statement that ties together the interests that provide you with a sense of purpose:  Trim your list of meaningful activities down to one single phrase such as “Do everything for the benefit of others”, or “Exercise no judgment, just love”.
• Learn to be still:  If you have difficulty finding purpose, try letting purpose find you instead.  Go from moving to standing still; from managing to accepting; from doing to being.

Practice Self Care

People desire to be healthy, happy and experience a long life.  Being in good health is a predictor of longevity, and it starts with self-care.

Writer Tiffany Sun states, “When you invest in self-care, it goes beyond just what you pay for; it breeds confidence in the way you feel and the way you look, allowing you to feel good about yourself.  It’s an investment towards better mental health and that alone is more than what you can ever get from materialistic purchases alone.” 

Start by giving yourself some “me” time.  Psychologists say alone time helps us reboot our brains, unwind, improve concentration, increase productivity, think deeply, problem solve, self-discovery, and grow relationships.  Additionally, it was found that quality “me” time is more important than quantity.

Good ways to get in some quality “me” time include:
 

• Read a book
• Take a bath
• Take a walk outside
• Garden
• Listen to music
• Do a puzzle
• Start a journal

Another important factor of well-being is your quality of sleep.  Sleep disturbances have been associated with higher rates of cognitive impairment, mortality, and overall health issues.  There are many benefits of a good night’s sleep, including:
 

• Regulated appetite
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Reduced symptoms of depression
• Increased alertness during waking hours
• Reduced risk of falling
• A happier, more engaged lifestyle

Forgive and Forget

“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.” – Buddha

Part of going through life means sometimes experiencing hurt and betrayal, injury and loss.  Few people fully comprehend the huge impact forgiveness has on our ability to be happy.  Researchers find that unforgiving people tend to be hateful, angry, and hostile – which also makes them anxious, depressed, and neurotic.  Preoccupation with a transgression towards another can actually make us physically sick, not to mention it opens us up to all sorts of negative emotions like anger, bitterness, and hatred.  Failure to forgive and let go all but eliminates the possibility that we will experience positive emotions; we can’t experience joy when we are expressing resentment.

In order to properly forgive, it’s important to know what forgiveness is not. 
 

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are excusing the other person’s actions.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to tell the person he/she is forgiven.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any more feelings about the situation.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to include the person in your life.

By forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and are finding a way to live in resolution with it.  Forgiveness is not something you do for the person who wronged you; it’s something you do for yourself. 

So how do we go about forgiving someone?

• Think about the incident that angered you.  Accept that it happened and accept your feelings about it.
   
• Acknowledge how your life has changed because of what happened.  What did you learn about yourself?  How about your needs and boundaries?
   
• Think about the other person.  He/she is flawed because, as humans, we are all flawed.  When you were hurt, the other person was trying to meet their needs.  What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?
   
• Decide if you want to tell the other person that you’ve forgiven them.  If you decide not to forgive the other person directly, then do it on your own.  Say the words, “I forgive you,” aloud.

Forgiveness is a necessary ingredient for happiness.  You will still remember what happened, but you will no longer be bound by it.  Forgiveness is a wonderful way to honor yourself, as it affirms to the universe that you deserve to be happy.

As is evident, happiness is a choice.  It is not bestowed upon you, nor does it come knocking at your door.  There are many things you can do to choose happiness on the daily.  Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, dig out that Ella Fitzgerald 45 and have a dance party, find a cause you’re passionate about and pursue it, take a walk on the treadmill, or literally stop to smell the roses.  Life affords us many simple pleasures – happily choose to enjoy them. 

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