Helping Family Members Understand an Aged-One's Day-to-day Journey
Posted by Donna Mae Scheib on September 12, 2016
Helping Family Members Understand an Aged-One's Day-to-day Journey
Family members may not have thought too much about aging until a senior family member shows some signs of inability to live independently. And then often it is hard to explain this to other family members. People view things differently and offer their own opinions. It often becomes a hushed topic, one to be avoided. The senior family member avoids the topic, too. But a proactive way to view life is to understand the journey of age and to look upon those golden years as productive time, “most of all -experiences to enjoy”. What can help it be this way?
It’s important for family members to understand the senior’s day-to-day journey prior to what most likely will be a change in living situations and then continue following the journey afterward.
A Geriatric Assessment
Hmm, you notice the senior is being more forgetful about names or they can’t find car keys or their wallet. They don’t remember appointments and balancing a checkbook seems difficult. If you look at just one thing, you may not notice the bigger picture. A geriatric doctor can assess the senior with a comprehensive assessment to collect data on the medical, psychosocial and functional capabilities and limitations of elderly patients. The information gathered from the assessment can help determine the functionality of the senior, so care and services can be accessed for the person to lead a healthy, full life. Sooner or later, this will likely include exploring health care resources and services. Long-term care and senior living options are a big part of this step.
What Time is the Best Time?
It is never too early to check out different living options for seniors both on-line and by making appointments and visiting. Often, reading about the care and activities provided at a senior living community and then visiting one helps put everyone more at ease when the time comes around to actually making the decision for such a facility. It’s like touring colleges or looking at homes to purchase. You will feel the “right” one when you visit; it will feel like “home”. Depending on the senior’s interest or acceptability of the long-term care options, family members may need to set up appointments, with or without the senior member. If and when there is a time to share this information ahead of time (with the senior) presents itself, then the information can be shared.
Guilt Feelings or Fear?
It is quite common for the family members to feel guilty when it comes to moving the senior out of their home. There is a whole range of reasons why there can be guilt feelings. It is important to put these aside and vow to make good decisions for the senior’s future and do not think that once this loved one is living in a different setting, they are forgotten about. In fact, the opposite can happen.
Having peace of mind that your loved one is in a healthcare arrangement that can take care of their needs 24/7 will lift a burden off your shoulders so you can spend less time worrying and more time just enjoying the relationship through communicating and visiting. As for feelings of fear, if you have done your research online and visited various living arrangements, this should also set you at ease. Knowing there are competent medical staff, friendly and helpful caregivers, nutritional meals, and daily scheduled activities that activate mental, physical and social needs for the residents should help ease your fears.
After Move-In, Ways to Follow the Journey
So now the senior had moved to a facility. How can you help family members stay in touch? Many times there is a monthly newsletter that can be mailed to you or viewed online. Most facilities also have a Facebook page where you can read about ongoing activities and see the involvement of the residents with the interaction of staff members as well as visitors. There may be places to comment as well.
Another feature is to call your loved one to talk from time-to-time. Or different family members could volunteer to call on certain days, guaranteeing more contact. There are telephones that allow only call-in where the resident does not have the ability to make out-going calls. Sometimes these phones are helpful if the resident becomes confused over dialing and phone numbers, etc. Facilities also welcome phone calls to their main desk and a remote can be brought down to the resident.
Mail – letter and postcards – probably are most welcome. Nothing needs to be long and involved, as the thought of knowing someone is thinking about you is all that really matters.
When visiting, you can figure out the best time to visit. Perhaps it is at a time that does not conflict with a popular activity that the senior enjoys. Maybe going a few hours before lunch or dinner is a good suggestion as this offers a convenient time to leave. When visiting, bringing a favorite snack or a healthy treat and something to read (a magazine to look at pictures or a newspaper, even to skim through and talk about) might be helpful. There may be special events throughout the year around certain holidays or events (i.e., Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, a summer picnic, movie night, a musical performance) that you or your family may choose to take part in.
At the visit, you can look around the facility and see what your loved one is doing. There is probably a list of daily activities and you might engage with these or there may be an opportunity to go outside for a walk or sit on a bench in a courtyard and view the flowers and birds.
After Contact, Simply Share with Family Members
You can make a point to share how the senior was that day, how they interacted and what they enjoyed doing as well as update your family members on your observations of the facility, your loved one’s overall health and other things you picked up. This can be shared via whatever tool is easiest for you: a short phone call or email would do. This way you are helping other family members to journey with the aging senior so they all feel a part of it, they don’t feel left out, they feel responsible, and you paint a picture of ongoing needs. This will serve to guide them when they communicate and visit.
Overall, by vowing to “simply share”, everyone goes on the journey together and it brings a great understanding of the senior’s day. From here, the journey continues and you know you have made a decision that promotes positive health and cares for a loved family member and “most of all - experiences to enjoy.”
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