How to Relate to Those Who Have Alzheimer's

Posted by Donna Mae Scheib on January 05, 2017

How to Relate to Those Who Have Alzheimer’s

A Lesson Passed on to Others... on an Elevator

It started out as a routine doctor’s visit. As the elevator door opened, I saw an elderly gentleman waiting to get on the elevator. Beside him was what appeared to be his wife in a wheelchair pushed by a home assistant. Although the elevator was mostly full, I smiled and told them to get on. Perhaps I had spoken too soon. I could see the reaction of the others who were already on the elevator.

A few years ago I may have reacted the same way.  Somewhat frightened. Possibly a little negative. Mostly not too empathetic.

A lot has changed since then. My eighty-nine year old mother has Alzheimer’s. In her journey I have learned so much about this disease that attacks people’s minds and tears away at their once energetic lives.

All eyes were on the lady in the wheelchair. She began to mumble in a slow monotone voice and pause between her sentences... “Where am I?... I want to go home... Why am I here?”... She did not look up.

The home assistant put his hand on her shoulder and calmly told her that he understood.

As she repeated her earlier conversation, “Where am I?... I want to go home... Why am I here?”..., again without looking up, I gazed at the others in the elevator. Without thinking, I squatted down by her side and smiled up into her eyes. “You are in an elevator going up to see the doctor.” She smiled and nodded.

I looked at her husband. He looked tired, not just physically but tired from dealing with the disease that has visited his wife and wouldn’t leave.

As the door opened, I wished the elderly gentleman, his wife, and the home assistant to have a wonderful day as I got out for my doctor’s appointment. Before the door closed, I saw the others smile back at me... the husband... the home assistant... those others who were crowded in the elevator.

What did I learn from this encounter?

I learned that many people may not have had an opportunity to learn how to interact with those with Alzheimer’s. They may not have associated with anyone with this disease before. And to them, the unknown is a little frightening, a little negative, something that they don’t really understand so they can not be as empathetic.

I also learned that a key to understanding those with Alzheimer’s is to be observant and patient. It might seem very obvious but really not so obvious to those who have not encountered those with Alzheimer’s before (just like those people crowded in the elevator).

Well then, what are some practical facets of interacting with someone experiencing Alzheimer’s?

• Display a positive interactive environment – from your mood to tone of voice and body language, these aspects all play a role in showing a positive interaction to those with Alzheimer’s. The person might not know who you are (either they never met you before or they don’t remember), but in most cases they will know that you are not a threat to them. They will feel comforted and understood.
• Get their attention – look into their eyes and on their eye level so they can see you, and tell them who you are and anything that might help them focus on you. If they are sitting down, squat down next to them or sit down by them; if they are standing, stand next to them.
• Be clear – choose your words carefully, use simple words and short sentences; speak slowly; don’t raise your voice
• Ask simple questions – try “yes” or “no” questions or give them a choice between two answers so they can be engaged in the conversation
• Use body language – if you feel it is difficult for the person with Alzheimer’s to understand your words, try infusing body language to better explain and show your thoughts and feelings
• Reapproach and redirect – if something is difficult for them to understand, try expressing your comments in a different way or have someone else help you with expressing what you want to say; be observant so you can better know when to wait for a response or when to try to explain it in a different way or even when to ignore it and go on
• Be reassuring – try a hand on a shoulder or a simple nod or smile to help the person calm down and feel comforted, just like the home assistant on the elevator who placed his hand on the lady’s shoulder when she expressed her confusion of where she was

Perhaps we all need to open our eyes, and in doing so see those around us who are suffering from Alzheimer’s and also those who have the responsibility as a family member or caregiver. This will undoubtedly help them to feel more understood, respected, supported, and included.                                                                                      

Each of us can help build a community that embraces those experiencing Alzheimer’s. We need to be observant, listen, be patient, show respect, and offer a helping hand. These small gestures decrease the stigma associated with this disease and help impart a better understanding of those with Alzheimer’s. And in doing so, more people will pass on a lesson of how to relate to those with Alzheimer’s... and not just on an elevator.