Knowing when it’s time for a parent to stop driving

Many of us have driven our entire lives and are accustomed to transporting ourselves wherever we need to go, without giving it so much as a second thought. Being our own driver is a privilege. But the truth is, as we age, it’s normal for our driving abilities to change. Losing this privilege can be difficult for both your parent and for you. Mom or dad may be reluctant to listen and you might worry about how they will get around in the future.

How does age affect driving?

As we age, health factors such as declined vision, impaired hearing, and slowed motor reflexes can become a problem. Aging also tends to result in a reduction of strength, coordination, and flexibility, which impacts your ability to safely operate a vehicle. For example:

Neck pain or stiffness can make it more difficult to look over your shoulder.
Leg pain can make it harder to move your foot from the gas to the brake pedal.
Weakened arm strength can impact your ability to turn the steering wheel quickly and efficiently.
Reaction times can slow down.
You can lose the ability to effectively multi-task.

There is no specific age at which every person should hand over the keys. Each individual is different; some are able to drive longer than others. Leisurecare.com (https://www.leisurecare.com/) reports that Americans are living longer and healthier lives than ever before. In turn, seniors are outliving their ability to drive by 7-10 years. AAA (https://www.eastcentral.aaa.com/?zip=15206&devicecd=PC) tells us that while seniors are safer drivers than other age groups, they are more likely to be injured in traffic accidents and, with the exception of teens, seniors have the highest death rate per mile driven.

What are the warning signs of unsafe driving?

Altered driving behavior: Have you noticed your parent has stopped driving at night or in bad weather? Are they reluctant to drive long distances? How about any narrowly avoided crashes or dents and scrapes on the car or on fences, mailboxes, garage doors, and curbs? If yes, these behaviors can indicate that they no longer feel comfortable behind the wheel.
Medical conditions: Medical ailments such as arthritis can compromise someone’s ability to fasten a seatbelt, glance over their shoulder, securely grip the steering wheel, or even pump their own gas. Memory impairment and other forms of dementia is also a cause for concern. If a parent has trouble remembering where the grocery store is or is missing turns or getting lost, it is time to re-evaluate whether or not they should still be behind the wheel.
Eyesight problems: Has mom or dad complained about poor vision lately? Have you noticed any unusual behavior while driving such as not seeing traffic lights and street signs? It is natural for our eyesight to decline with age, however, a number of eye conditions can also hinder an aging adult’s ability to focus and use their peripheral vision to detect pedestrians, traffic lights, and other cars on the road.
Difficulty hearing: The ability to hear well is also important for safe driving. A decline in the hearing may impair the ability to hear emergency sirens or car horns.
Medications: Prescriptions medications can often improve the quality of life for aging adults, however, they can also put them at risk. Certain medications may have side effects that impair driving abilities. If a parent’s prescriptions have changed recently, be sure to check the labels for warnings or speak with their doctor.
Problems with reflexes and range of motion: Slowed reaction times such as not responding to the sudden need to break or quickly look back can hinder your parent's ability to react during unexpected scenarios. Other signs to look for include confusing the gas and brake pedals, getting flustered while driving, or being quick to anger when behind the wheel

How to talk to a loved one about unsafe driving?

Talking to a parent about their driving can feel like grounding your teenager. It is something you certainly do not look forward to doing, but at the same time, it is important to understand that the primary concern is safety (for both your parent and other drivers on the road).

If you find yourself in the position of talking to a parent about their driving, remember the following:

Give specific examples: Instead of generalizations like “You can’t drive safely anymore,” try outlining specific instances you’ve noticed such as “You braked suddenly at stop signs three times when I was in the car with you last week.”
Find strength in numbers: Perhaps you are not the only family member to express concern. It’s less likely to be taken as nagging if you talk to them with someone else by your side. They may also listen to a more impartial party, such as a doctor or driving specialist.
Provide alternatives: It’s likely your parent has grown so used to driving that they have never considered alternatives. Do your research in advance and be ready to offer alternative transportation options.
Understand the difficulty of this transition: Your loved one is likely to experience a sense of loss having to give up their keys. Try to help them with the transition as much as possible. If it’s safe, try slowly transitioning them out of driving to give adequate time to adjust. For example, begin the transition by no longer driving at night or by using a shuttle service to get to an appointment.

If you find that your parent is still reluctant to accept your advice, there are resources available to help you; such as a professional driving assessment. Professional driving assessments typically fall into two categories: driving skills evaluations and clinical driving assessments. A driving skill evaluation includes an in-car evaluation of driving abilities and a recommendation regarding any further specialized drivers’ training. Clinical driving assessments are used to identify underlying medical causes of any driving performance deficits and offer ways to address them.

Life without a vehicle

Making the transition from being a driver to a passenger can be a tremendously difficult challenge at first. It is normal for your parent to feel frustrated, angry, or irritable. They may even feel ashamed or worry that they are losing their independence. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, try highlighting some positive side-effects of hanging up the keys, such as:

The courage takes to put the safety of themselves and others first
Saving money on the cost of car ownership can pay for alternative transportation such as using a taxi or shuttle service
Walking more can improve health
Accepting rides from others can expand their social circle
Life might be far more enjoyable living at a slower pace, without the stress of driving

The more alternatives your parent has to drive, the easier the adjustment will be. It is important to ensure they have reliable ways to get out of the house, not only for essentials like to collect groceries or go to a doctor’s appointment but also for social visits and to keep up with hobbies and routine activities such as attending church. Explore public transportation, ridesharing options, community shuttles for seniors, and taxi or mobile app services like Uber and Lyft.

The National Center on Senior Transportation (NCST) states that 83% of older Americans agree that public transit provides easy access to the things that they need in everyday life. Such as shopping, getting to work, medical appointments, going to restaurants and visiting friends and family. However, as convenient as it sounds, public transit is not the solution for everyone. When considering alternate transportation options, look for a travel service that provides the control, autonomy, and choice you desire.

While you and your loved one may struggle at first with the decision to stop driving, a new reality will become your new routine; providing peace-of-mind for everyone around you.

Additional Resources

AARP Smart Drivers Course: https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/info-2010/why-take-a-driver-safety-course.html?intcmp=AE-ATO-ADS-ROW1-SPOT4
AAA Roadwise Driver Course: https://seniordriving.aaa.com/maintain-mobility-independence/driver-improvement-courses-seniors/
Community Transportation Association of America: https://ctaa.org/
The University of Michigan, Transportation Research Institute’s Driving Decision Workbook: https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/handle/2027.42/1321

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