What Makes a Good Visit? The Importance of Spending Time with Seniors

Posted by Donna Mae Scheib on August 22, 2017

What Makes a Good Visit?

The Importance of Spending Time with Seniors

Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.
−Frank A. Clark

Sunday was like any other day until I received a phone call from Jean, my mother’s best friend from high school. She wanted to know if Mom was with me at our home or if she was at the memory care facility as she wanted to pay a visit. Jean lives about a 20-minute drive away in a neighboring city.

I am so glad she called. But, more importantly, I knew my mother would be so glad to see her good friend.

The phone call made me think of some of my mother’s other friends who told me they would certainly visit Mom since she moved out of our home about three years ago and into a 24/7 care facility. And no one really did, that is except for Jean.

Perhaps they don’t know what to say or do when they visit someone with Alzheimer’s. Maybe they worry about running out of what to say. They might be a little frightened of Alzheimer’s or in visiting a facility filled with residents who share this diagnosis. But let me remind you that these concerns should not stop someone from visiting.

Recent research shows that loneliness can be twice as unhealthy as obesity as those individuals who feel isolated have a higher risk of high blood pressure and a weakened immune system, they also exhibit a higher incident level of depression, heart attacks, and strokes. Furthermore, loneliness causes stress and even increased memory loss.

Granted, those who are elderly are more lonely. But overall, everyone at any age needs to feel involved and valued by those near them. And that’s one of the benefits of visits. Visits are great opportunities to connect, to listen and learn, and to bond with the senior.

What makes a “good” visit?

If you know someone is planning to visit, prep the visit

I called the facility to tell them when my mother’s friend was coming. I then talked to my mother on the phone and told her to expect a visitor. I can’t always do this, but I have found that in many cases, this is helpful. This way, the staff can have my mother freshen up a bit and no one is caught off guard.

Visit at an appropriate time

Most seniors are more alert in the morning hours between breakfast and lunch. This time gives you an idea of when to visit, as you can walk the person down to lunch or you can even eat lunch with them and then leave. If you are still not certain of a good time to visit, feel free to call and ask the staff what will work out best. This way, you can avoid any special events that might be scheduled that day.

Bring a positive, warm nature

Sit down by your loved one and extend an arm around their shoulder, a gentle kiss on their cheek, or shake their hand. Then talk at their eye level. Let them know how important they are to you. You could bring something for the senior to engage in like a magazine or newspaper, a few photos, a healthy snack, maybe a puzzle if they enjoy doing that, etc.

Adapt your communication style

It’s important to be aware of your voice. You shouldn’t shout, but do ensure that you are being heard. Over 50% of those individuals 75 years of age and older have difficulty with hearing. Speak slowly enough for them to grasp your words and with shorter words and sentences so it is easier for them to follow what you say. For those seniors with language problems and difficulty in speaking, you could still talk to them or bring some music to play. Even if their language is repetitive, listen attentively and talk to them and not at them.

Make the time about them

Don’t be overly concerned about saying the right thing or behaving in the right way... the most important thing to remember is that you are spending time with a loved one. Try to make this experience positive. Look at them, let them see you smile, be calm and patient.

Connect with the inner person

Perhaps your loved one does not look the same physically as you remember them, and you are aware of some cognitive decline. That is to be expected with advanced age and those who have Alzheimer’s. Know that the person is still very much alive and like all people, they need human contact and to feel someone’s warmth and care.

When I went to visit my mother the following day, I was surprised that she remembered Jean had come. And as I placed a large juicy pear and a chocolate candy bar on the table in front of her, it was without hesitation that my mother picked the candy bar to eat first. “Jean brought me chocolate, too,” my mother said, smiling, in between bites. “And we sat outside in the courtyard to watch the boats,” she added.

As we put together a puzzle, I was reminded of this special time with my mother, that “life is [truly] made up of little things.” I know that Jean has discovered this, too.

I was so happy to have taken the time to visit my mother. It was indeed a “good” visit.